Posts

overwhealmed

Today like every other i been feeling overwhealmed by house work kids and just not having enough rest at night . I try not to get so agervated over the little things but it seems they take over sometimes . I love my little family but sometimes we all need a break for some self love and care because if we arent happy and taking care of ourself how can we as mothers take care of anything or anyone else . We cant and ive been trying to get on a path of self love because i know i havent been very kind to myself or taken care of myself the way i should and the depression and anxiety hits hard but if i can start out small i know eventually ill accomplish all the greater things and i wanna be better not only for myself but for my kids and husband because lord knows they deserve the world ❤
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childhood

Growing up i didnt have the best childhood but it wasnt the worst either . I grew up in a home with both my parents yet it wasnt always the typical family home. My mom and dad done alot of drugs when i was a kid and i grew up fast taking care of myself and later my brother too dad was in and out of jail so much and mama had alot of problems not just being on the drugs but depression.  I rember before school going to a daycare i hated while mom worked. I also rember going to a babysitter i hated while my dad worked.  Mom and dad both fought physically and mentally some of the violence replays why i cant stand yelling or arguing today . I was told from a young age what and who i needed to be and i had to always make everyone else happy instead of being myself and thats exactly what i done and i have continued to do 23 years until today not that i havent started the process earlier but ive had so many set backs i had a very bad breakdown in 2019 which started a almost 3 year struggle of m

my husband

Me and my husband have went down a long road we where highschool sweethearts and here we are years later married kids and loving the best life we know how . Its taken alot to get to this point but we have made it we still arent perfect but has this man taken care of me did he save me at all my lowest points yes and ive been so greatful for that. The last couple years have been hard for us he was involved with some shitty people and they almost done the damage for us but the one day i kept praying for came and he changed our lives . Marriage is one of the hardest things you go i to it thinking what a fairy tale but its not its early mornings late nights arguemnets lies changes love happiness  and it takes a hell of a lot of forgivness because reguardless none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes but if you love that person you cant just quit and i know ive had people tell me love has nothing to do with it but it does i believe love conquers all.  And love is beatiful but it can al

self esteem

So having a baby and trying to be yourself and find yourself again is hard. Being the perfect mom and wife non existant . Ive been learning how to love myself again and even trying to find a ground on who the hell i am at this point. I know i dont have my shit together but i dont think any 23 year old does . What really doesnt make sense is when we are feeling these lows and going through these changes how it is that the parasites and ugly souless people always find you and know . To try and bring another woman down just because this person has daddy issues and my husband wouldnt give her the attention or time of day or stay working with the family that almost destroyed his own YOU had to get jellous of me and what i have and try to bring me down but i know your still young and have a lot of growing up to do and thats why i turn the other cheek and go on about my buisness . Plus i know you have a drug and drinking problem and i feel bad for you and pray youll eventually seek help. Anho